Ad Meliora
by AliceInScribbleLand
Summary: When things are at their worst for Morgana, something has to give. Will her friends be able to stop her before the situation overwhelms her? Merlin realizes he needs to turn to the one person who might be able to reach Morgana and give her some peace...
1. Prologue

A/N: I know I posted Chapter 1 before the prologue… Morgana just didn't seem as desperate as I wanted her to seem. It seems like the writer's on the show seem to have the same problem. She keeps getting worse, but nothing ever changes. Anyways, here it is….

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She wakes up screaming, alone every night: terrified and alone, even when she's not. It doesn't matter whose there with her, the isolation after the dreams is chilling.

They are long past the point of Gwen staying in the castle; it changes nothing. The only thing it accomplishes is neither of them getting much rest. Gwen still tries, every evening. She can see what the strain is doing to Morgana. However, she gives in every night.

She knows that Morgana's nerves are on edge and she snaps at everyone as of late. It's not that Gwen minds Morgana's temper, but she hates to see the guilt wash over Morgana afterwards. She cannot bear to see her begging for her forgiveness, especially when she is done so much better than most would in her situation.

Morgana's nights are spent wide-eyed and trembling, while her days go by in a sleepy haze. She is neither awake nor asleep. Morgana has reached her breaking point and she wonders why sanity has not left her yet. The cruel irony of her life is not missed upon her. Uther will soon realize her troubles and a sleepless induced insanity will not aid her. She is as sound of mind as ever.

That is why during the day she stays focused. She focuses on her breathing, making sure each exchange of air is even. She focuses on her body, reminding herself not to jump every time the word magic is uttered. She focuses on the details, making sure that she appeared normal to all around her. She cannot afford to lose that focus.

The nightmares are worse now. They leave her terrified and breathless. When she wakes up, she no longer realizes what is reality and what are the residual effects of her dreams. Night Terrors Gaius has begun to call them. The new name doesn't change the fact that he has no solution, no solution and no hope. This is the fate that has befallen her and unless something changes, those around her fear Morgana might do something desperate.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: takes place sometime **_**before **_** 'The Fires of Idirsholas'. It's not exactly by the show :-P Gwen is more well informed for one. You'll see what I mean as you read. ** **XXXXXX**

"I can't live like this," Morgana cried out, crumbling to the ground. "I can't do it anymore Gwen." It wasn't like Morgana to break down, but she was over tired and things were beyond desperate. She needed to learn to control her powers before they destroyed her.

Setting the broom to the side, Guinevere left the broken mirror and sat in front of her friend. "What about talking to someone?" Gwen asked, nervously. "Surely there must be someone you could talk to about this. Someone who knows what it's like."

"I've tried that already Gwen, you saw how my trip to the Druids turned out." She shook her head, sighing dejectedly. "I don't know what to do," she whimpered.

"Hey Gwen," Merlin shouted, popping his head in the room, "Arthur's looking for you. Oh… I …. I uh, sorry." Merlin made to leave, but was stopped when Morgana called to him.

"It's fine Merlin. It's not like it isn't anything you don't know about," she tried to smile weakly and nodded at the broken glass.

Walking closer Merlin knelt down next to her. "I'll stay with her if you want to go," Merlin told Gwen reassuringly. Slipping an arm around her waist and taking her hand in one of his, he helped Morgana to her feet. With a nervous glance behind, Gwen left quietly.

"Thank you Merlin," Morgana said, quietly. She looked away from him nervously and started towards the glass, wanting desperately to be busy with something.

"No, I've got it," Merlin said leading her to a nearby chair. "You should rest," he urged.

"Rest? Rest? That's all I bloody do. In case anyone hasn't noticed it's not helping." She sat down pouting slightly. "Gwen thinks I should find someone to talk to. Someone who knows what its like," Morgana said, quietly.

"Oh?" Merlin asked, not sure how he felt about the idea. The dragon had been warning him about Morgana since he had first met them, but he cared about her. Morgana was his friend and maybe, just maybe, if he pushed her in the right direction he could help her in more ways than one. "What do you think about the idea?" he asked her cautiously.

"I think," she sighed, "I think, nothing else has worked." She looked at him with pain weeping from her eyes, "I need help Merlin. If I cannot get this under control, I'm going to lose my mind. What good will my safety do me then?"

Merlin understood, more than he could tell her. Morgana's magic wasn't like his, though. He called his and bended it to his well. Hers was uncontrollable, breaking her in the process. "Okay," he nodded, licking his lips. "I'll see what I can do. Just, be safe?" he asked, arching his eyebrows at her.

Morgana's face instantly lit up with hope. "Thank you Merlin, you don't know what this means to me," Morgana exclaimed. After a moment, she looked up at him curiously, "Who?"

"Well Uther does have a way of making anyone with magic disappear," running his fingers along chin, he thought. Closing his eyes, the answer came to him. _Morgause_. She was their safest bet. She surely had enough magic to help Morgana and their experience with her hadn't been as dangerous as any others. He wasn't sure if she was to be entirely trusted, but she was the only option he could think of.

"There's someone I have in mind but, I'd rather not say until I know for certain I can reach them. I swear I'll do everything I can to help," he promised. "Try to be patient, I'll hurry" Merlin promised. Finished with the broken glass he looked to the door hesitantly. He had promised Gwen he would wait with Morgana.

"Merlin, go," Morgana said, with the first real smile that had graced her features in some time, "With news like this I hardly need to be watched after. I'll explain what I can to Gwen." She excitedly shooed him from her room and let her mind wander to a day when she would be able to control her powers.


End file.
